My Quarter life crisis

  Your 20's. Its supposed to be a your wonder years right? a time of self discovery, to figure out your life and your goals? Early 20's I was so completely sure of what I wanted to do with my life. Graduate with a bachelor's in Psychology, become a certified marriage therapist. I would marry my boyfriend and be starting a family.

                           Fast forward to mid 20's aka the big 25. What the fuck happened?! I am no where I thought I would be. One day I am celebrating my 21st birthday and the next thing you know adulthood is smacking me in the face with reality. Where is my first house I pictured myself getting ready to move into?  Why was there no wedding I thought I would have by now? Where in my degree that should be hanging on my beautifully decorated living room? We all have this expectation of where we should be mine were unrealistic but I was dreaming big!  Why couldn't I have it all? Our goals are often times tainted by where society says we should be. Making 40k a year, starting a career, and starting a family. All these ideas are programed into our head but why?  Why do we feel like of we have to have these things before a certain age?

                              If I told my 21 year old self where I would be at 25 she would laugh. How could the girl with so many plans not have one work out as expected? Life happened and now I start to panic. One day riding the subway I had an realization, I was lost. Not physically lost but lost because for the first time in my life I had no idea what I wanted to do. Sure I have a job that pays decent but I don't want to work at a "job" forever. Growing up I saw my Dad working this job, it payed decent wasn't super stressful and helped him take care of home, but its not his passion and at the end of the day he'd much rather be doing something he loved. So I told myself whatever I decided to do in my future career I want to love. I don't want to spend the rest of my days wishing I pursued something else ANYTHING else.

             So here I am 25. Do I have a house? Nope. Still living with Dad. Degree?  Nope. Married?  No but maybe some day real soon. Career? Not even close. I will tell you what I do have! Although I'm no where near in my own home moving into my own place this summer is an exciting experience. Not married but in a committed relationship with a Man I love. I don't have a degree but I can aways go back. I have friends who I love and family that is awesome!  All and all I'll say I'm not doing to bad. Do I know what I want to do career wise? I have no fucking clue, but I will take my time and figure it out. After all it is my life and I move to the beat of my own drum.

Take that quarter life crisis!

Social Networks and Relationships: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly!

Social networks..We all have them. Whether your updating your Facebook status, Tweeting, posting a picture to Instagram, On Tumblr or any other number of social networks. Being on them has become apart of our daily lives, we use them to connect with friends co workers and even our significant other/ Boo thing/ Him/ Her/ Friend with benefits. Connecting with significant others on social networks can be a gift and a curse, it can get easy to get lost in the ease of posting a status instead of picking up the phone. Although we tend to express out selves freely on them, before you pick up your phone and sign on to Facebook read the good, the bad and the ugly of Social networking and relationships.


The Good. Being friends on a social network with your significant other gives you a look into how they interact with others. There friends, family and co-workers. From that picture of them from high school or the funny family video they upload. It can show you a side of them you haven't seen and may bring you closer. You can tag pictures, laugh at their Instagram uploads and RT some interesting post on twitter. It also shows a sense of trust, what you do on social networks on display for them to clearly see leaving little room for lack of trust to happen.

The Bad. Sharing social networks can show some great qualities of your mate, it can also show you some ones you might not be so excited about. If you or your mate are particularly jealous this can sometimes cause problems. A lot of people tend to be upset with how their S/O interacts with social networks. What you may consider flirting your mate may not which can cause a strain on the relationship. You may not want to see your mate sending smiling faces or posing in pictures with others, this is where it can get ugly!

The Ugly. Even if your partner does something on a social network that makes you want to seek revenge DON'T!!!! Resist the urge to resort to social networks to discuss what is angering you in your relationship. That status about your boyfriend being an asshole, although can be deleted will not be forgotten! It will only give people a platform to chime on what's going on. Whatever issues are going on in your relationship should be private! Vent to a friend not Facebook! you won't have to worry about your friend raising an eyebrow when your back to posting about your happy relationship. That brings me to my next point. Although there is nothing wrong with sharing your happy relationship, its important to remember people subscribe/Friend/Follow you because they are interested in YOU! Over publicizing your relationship can not only be annoying but it can lead you to the scrutiny of others. Nothing wrong with sharing your happiness but make sure that your profile is still yours.

Social networking can be a great way to interact, share, and promote but it is also important to remember unplug and enjoy life with others!

Logic VS Emotion

 Women. Were beautiful and majestic creatures we birth children, work, go to school, were nurturing, caring and all around amazing. let's face it we are human beings and we are not without faults. We Sometimes care to much, can't let go, Hold on to bad relationships and mess up good ones.


Women being nurturing can sometimes hurt us were so hell bent on "nursing" a man we don't realize we're neglecting ourselves, Being in a relationship does not mean losing apart of yourself. Make sure that, the man is just as willing to take care of you as you are him.  Relationships are about being partners and I think sometimes that we forget a partnership takes more than one party to work efficiently. Yes we all ideally want a relationship, but being in a bad relationship is just as bad as being single. You emotionally drain yourself til the point of not being able to be able offer yourself fully to the next man, because you wasted so much of yourself on Mr. Wrong.

How can you stop falling for Mr. Wrong? How can you stop having bad relationship after bad relationship? The answer is simple really, Listen to your gut instinct. I'm not talking about women's intuition because we all know that can sometimes fail us. No, I'm talking about listening to that little feeling you get that tells you something is off proceed with caution. A lot of times that caution sign should be a STOP sign you KNOW something is off but being a woman you feel the need to see it through, thinking maybe your missing out on a good thing. stop "Following" through on things that are destined to fail, because before you know it you wake up years have passed and you've wasted your time on the wrong man because your scared to let go. 


Listening to your instincts is something we all need to do more often. Its the part of us that tells us when there is danger around us, don't go down that block, don't get on that train. There is something not right about this situation. We often head to these signs in our daily lives but are scared to follow it when it comes to love. Most times as females we tend to let our emotions over power our logic, and honestly we really can't help it because we are wired this way. Now I'm not suggesting you stop listening to your heart just make sure your giving your mind its fair share in the spotlight as well, because by doing this you may find out you will be successful in life AND Love.

What Women Want

 

 

Although most men think women are confused, and have no idea what they want (this is sometimes true). There are very basic standards  that we expect from a man who is the object of our affection. These rule are the foundation for making a women happy, so listen up!

Attention

Whether she is an attention whore or doesn't need much to keep her happy ALL women need attention from the man in their life. A Phone call (yes pick up the phone and actually call ), a text, email, Facebook message. A women wants to know she's thought of and that she has crossed your mind. This simple gesture can keep her mind from wondering "Is He thinking about me??” 

Affection

Either in private or in public, being affectionate with your lady can show her your not just friends. That you crave to be closer to her and let's face it women LOVE to be wanted. It can be simple from hugs to kisses to simply holding hands. Doing these small things is sure to keep a smile on her face.

Security.

Last but certainly not least. A women needs to know where she stands in your life. Most  want monogamy; we want to feel like we’re the only woman in your world. The main object of your affection and attention, we need to be reassured that the feelings are mutual and that our hearts are safe with you. Spend time with her, she wants to feel special, not just another thing on your to do list. She needs to know she's a priority in your life. How you treat others should have no bearing on how you treat her. If she is special and a good women treat her as such. Let your lady know she's appreciated and not taken for granted.

Although Females are extremely complex people and no two females are alike, we tend to have similar ideals about how we would like to be treated. A happy woman is a woman who will want to make you happy and isn't that essentially what men want? 

This Article is also featured on http://www.msvixenmag.com Ms. Vixen Mag is a great supporter Check out her website for other great articles like this.

What is Beautiful?

How many times have you sisters been envious of a pretty girl? You know the one with "GOOD" HAIR or LIGHT COMPLEXION. How many times have we wished we were like those video chicks who, have flawless skin and seem to have all of their fat perfectly distributed to all the right places on her body? Whether you would like to admit it or not, I'm pretty sure all of us have questioned how beautiful we are at one point or another. Whether it's from getting rejected by a boy or just watching a few music videos, you have probably felt that some physical feature you possessed did not make you beautiful enough.


BUT WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL? There has always been constant conflict among the female African-American community as to what true beauty is. For example, the light skin versus dark skin issue. There is a stigma that blacks of a lighter complexion are perceived as more attractive or in some cases more capable than people of a darker skin tone. Everyday conversations will show that several African-Americans feel that it is better to be light skinned. For example have you heard a boy make a comment like " yea, she's aight but she's mad dark," or a friend going on vacation say " I'm gonna make sure I don't stay outside too long cause I don't wanna come back looking crispy." Comments like these suggest that being dark has negative connotations. Historical references indicate that this mindset came from times of slavery when light skinned workers (whom were probably products of a rape between a slave and her master) were chosen to do the less physically demanding housework rather than the grueling work outside in the fields. Their fair complexion made them "BETTER" than the field workers because they were "PRIVILEGED" enough to work inside of the house. This built up a great deal of animosity between dark and light skinned blacks that exists today and is one of many issues preventing the African American community from uniting and moving forward as one!!


Another conflicting issue on what is beautiful is the texture of a females' hair. African-Americans have a history behind the hair on their heads. During the late 1800s entrepreneurs such as Madame CJ Walker were finding ways of straightening the texture of black women's hair. With the use of the hot comb and relaxers such as, No Kink and Black-No-More women achieved the European look of straighter, smoother, less "nappier" hair. There was a transition period of black pride during the 1960's where celebrating blacks' natural features, such as the kinky texture of their hair was encouraged through hair dos such as the afro. However the afro declined and styles such as the jeri curl and box braids dominated during the 80s into the early 90s. Nowadays, perms are quite dominant but dreadlocks and cornrows are quite common as well. Today's ranges of hairstyles are rather diverse but a paradigm of "good hair" still exists as straight smooth and long. Among the issues of skin complexion and hair texture, women of color had to deal with how their bodies were portrayed as well.

For a long time black women were not even represented in the media. During the 1930s it was rare to see a black woman other than Aunt Jemima on a pancake box. Black women were usually depicted as woman with excessively large breasts, wide hips, a large behind, and thick thighs. Although African-Americans do have a tendency of being shapely and having a voluptuous figure, the media exaggerated certain features and made sure that black females' natural thickness was not deemed beautiful. This however is not to be confused with what males in the African-American community find attractive. Contrary to the media's perception of thin being in, black males tend to be attracted to females with curvy figures. 

These words celebrate the full figures that Afrrican-American women posses. This of course poses confusion as to what is an attractive body. The media depict beauty (white) as slim is in, but the hip hop culture dictates that males are attracted to women with wide hips and a good amount of junk in her trunk. African-American females who may not be as "bootylicious" may feel that they don't have a "black girl body" and that they are not attractive. Then there are black women who are very shapely who feel that they are too thick because according to mainstream media, less is best. SO WITH ALL OF THESE CONFLICTING PARADIGMS & PERCEPTIONS OF BEAUTY, WHAT IS DEFINED AS "BEAUTIFUL"?

Is it a thick woman with dark skin and long straight hair? Is it a size 0 girl with a light complexion and a head of short kinky hair? Of the two girls I described, is one more beautiful than the other? You may be under the impression that I am here to glorify the "true" beauty of a dark woman with natural hair but the truth is those women are no more beautiful than light skinned girls with straight hair. I could be focusing on WHY BIG IS BEAUTIFUL, but there are very thin girls who are beautiful as well. The reason we have a twisted perception of beauty is because it based on the physical appearance of a woman. If we, as a unified community took the time to observe that our diversity is what makes us as a race, beautiful, then there would be less bitterness between the light-skinned girl and the tar baby. There would be little resentment between the girl with kinks and the girl who gets her perm every 6 weeks. There would be less hostility between the women who wear a double 0 and the women who wear the size 10. These feelings of animosity are what prevents us from uniting and conquering bigger problems that affect all women, light and dark alike. We need to realize that our differences are what makes us beautiful and that it is possible for all of us to be comfortable in our own skin. In addition, we fail to see that being beautiful has little to do with how you look and has everything to do with the person you are inside. True beauty does not come from your dress size or your skin tone it comes from your heart and soul and that is the message that should be emphasized in the media.


NOW WOULDN'T THAT BE A BEAUTIFUL THING?

7 Rules to Dating

Dating.  You meet someone, you find the attractive you exchange contact info. People aren't always clear as to what to do next. sure you talk/text get to know each other but most people don't know how to date properly. Yes there is a proper way to date. People always either jump into a relationship or into bed, both hardly ever work out. if you take your time to date get to know each other this may lead to a happy relationship. let me give you some rules to get you started.

1.Be honest. Everyone has intentions with someone from the start. whether you just want sex, to date and see where it goes or a serious relationship. The other party should know up front and be able to decide if they want to carry on with you.

2. Be open minded. Everyone has preferences but don't be afraid to date someone out of your comfort zone,sometime the person you rule out because there not tall enough may be the one who got away.

3. Have realistic expectations. Requiring to date someone with a good job, car, house, no kids and you live at home car/job less with 3 kids doesn't add up. Nothing wrong with having standard but making sure there reachable and that you also have something to bring to the table besides an empty stomach. 

4.Communicate. As Human beings we aren't mind readers be honest with the person your dating. If they do something you don't like don't be afraid to open your mouth and speak. If you don't like something their doing please say so. No one will understand what you expect from them if you don't say it.

5. Don't bring Baggage. If your not over your past relationship DO NOT DATE, Bringing old drama into a new situation is a sure fire way to set your self up for failure. Contrary to popular beliefs moving on isn't the way to get over a past relationship. Give yourself time to heal before you pursue something with someone else.

6. Be Patient. Even if your looking for a potential serious relationship, still take your time to get to know a person before you make them your S/O. Everyone may seem ideal in the beginning but waiting until that initial honeymoon phase is over can save you some heartache in the long run.

7. Don't let sex complicate things. Of course you start to like someone, there will be sexually chemistry and it will happen but sex does not equal a relationship or commitment.Sex is purely for pleasure, intimacy and Baby making.

Dating is for the purpose of meeting someone who has the potential of being someone you can BE with, Its also supposed to be as Fun and Drama free as possible. All in All go out their Date, mingle and Have Fun.

The Forgotten Art of Seduction

                                      Sex. It can be amazing, exciting, orgasmic, fun, crazy,energetic or any number of adjectives you wanna use to describe it. Often times though it is the effort put into the foreplay and setting the right mood that makes it all of those things. As a young women recently single and dating I have noticed that the effort and time put into pleasing a women is severely lacking among young men. Most are either clueless or just don't care either way taking the time to seduce a women can definitely work in your favor and I'm going to explain why and how to do this right.

                                          Foreplay. In Order to truly seduce you must become a master of touching, teasing and pleasing a women. Don't be afraid to ask her what she likes since every women is different what drove the last one crazy may do nothing for the next. Set the mood (No RAP MUSIC PLEASE) romance is apart of foreplay. Romantic dinner,candle lights,music and good conversation is the start of the seduction.You must take your time and focus on her pleasure because if you do it makes her want to please you so that much more.

                              Anticipation. What Men don't realize is Women get offered penis on a daily basis so you offering yours isn't much different. You have to be patient and make her want you! if you take your time (as I mentioned earlier) slowing build up her desire and don't offer yourself to her upfront. The anticipation will make her curious and want you that much more. Women always want what they cant have so if your not offering your self to her in a hurry it will make her desire you. You also have to build anticipation during you foreplay as well. don't just dive in (literally) take your time to kiss her all over, touch her all over not just   "those" specific areas. The places you don't touch her is where she will want you too!


                                  Patience. This one is very important because this is where Men seem to mess up most. In order to truly seduce you HAVE to be patient all these steps take time in order to be done right. You have to be able to withhold you wants (briefly) in order to satisfy her need. if your patient and take your time and do it right it can be amazing.

                                     Sex is supposed to be fun, Being creative and being willing to try new things is key. Try new positions or a sex toy you never know what you may enjoy until you try it! Sex doesn't always have to include extensive foreplay but at least make sure the oven is warm before sticking something in! Foreplay, Anticipation, Patience and Creativity is Key to Seduction and can lead to some very happy women. Have Fun and Most importantly be safe!